Do you ever feel like your arms are being stretched in two directions, caught in a tug of war between worlds?
Like you used to know where your life was going, but you took a few minutes to meander to the side of the road to smell the bluebonnets, and now you can barely remember who you are?
Have you ever questioned your desires — have you ever stopped in horror and realized that the dreams you have been working towards no longer inspire you? Are you gripping your old dreams because they’re the only shapes you know how to hold?
Or what about the moments when you believe that your life doesn’t measure up to other people’s lives? Do you ever scold yourself, do you ever believe the lie that that if you were just a little more humble, more professional, more frugal, more serious… maybe your life would finally look like the glowing filtered happy faces in your phone?
My favorite affirmation to help us brave these rocky moments is:
I am curious and positive about what the future holds.
The future is a tricky subject — sometimes we know what we want, sometimes we’re confused, sometimes we’re wishy-washy, and sometimes we feel pulled to pieces among the conflicting versions of ourselves. Sometimes we focus and grind and achieve things, sometimes visualize and manifest and pray things into our reality, and sometimes life surprises us in ways we didn’t know we needed. Sometimes life is too big + we find it’s all we can do to surrender to our next steps, even if we’re not sure what they are.
Hold onto the notion of being curious and positive about it all. Keep a lightheartedness about your path. There’s nothing wrong with you if you feel scared, lost, or conflicted, and there’s not always a clean “5 Easy Steps!” process to get you out of those feelings.
There are tools that help. Making art helps. Opening up to soulmate-level friends helps. Meditating, kickboxing, tapping, yoga, reading, mirror work, crying, listening to inspiring interviews, hiring a coach to support you, plugging into a spiritual community, feeling your eyes lull closed in an impromptu nap with your purring cat… there are so many things that can help us hang in the tension between seeking and satisfied. Between light and despair. Between “I am on the verge of a radiant freaking miracle” to “There is not a single place in this godforsaken world where I fit in.”
The biggest life raft that will help you cope with these confusing identity crisis moments is to remember and affirm that at your core, you are okay. You are okay as you are, in this moment, confusion and doubt and all. You are already good enough. You are worthy of your own honor and adoration.
You’re complicated and beautiful, and sometimes you forget who you are, and sometimes you accidentally abandon yourself in favor of what society tells you — and you’re still okay. You deserve the world. You are capable of bouncing back. The confusion will not last forever.
Let go of your grippy clinging energy on how you wanted your path to unfold, and embrace the wild complexity of who you are. Acknowledge that sometimes you want many different things at once, that sometimes in the middle of the night you jolt yourself awake, clenched with the craving for a deeper level of satisfaction.
It’s okay to welcome these facets of yourself. You’re in good company — many of us are restless like you. Anchor into those feelings of curiosity and lightness in the midst of the confusion, and let them be the light that carries you on.
Peace and Unsettled Warrior Spirits,