“I live in a state of joyous anticipation, as well as quiet realization” – Ernest Holmes
At the end of each year I publish a celebratory blog post kissing the year goodbye (check out my 2012, 2013, and 2014 versions if you want to see me grow up before your eyes). Here is my goodbye to 2015, my year of focus and action and light:
The last few years of my life have been unrecognizable from one another: Same boyfriend. Same job. Same city. Same friends. Same dreams. Same inertia. Unique trips and smiles and adventures occurred within each year, but the framework of my life remained the same. My energy swirled around itself in smoky confused circles – always moving, always seeking, but directionless. Perpetual motion to nowhere.
But 2015 was different. 2015 was the year of learning to harness my energy towards projects I love. It exhilarated me. It exhausted me. It revived me.
In February 2015, feeling antsy, I meditated and asked the Universe what my next big creative project was going to be. I ask this question all the time, but this time I asked in a different way than usual: I asked it and expected an answer. A concrete, workable answer – none of the throwing-questions-to-the-wind-and-maybe-a-hint-will-emerge types of answers. I wanted something I could throw my heart into.
During that meditation, I saw an image of a multicolored book with my name on the cover. When I opened my eyes, I knew I had finally found my creative match. It was time for me to stop trying to be discovered by a publishing company. It was time for me to write my own gorgeous book, publish it myself, and get it into the hands of readers.
I will tell the detailed story of creating my book another day, but suffice it to say: I spent the rest of 2015 writing my first book and learning how to publish it.
The book I wrote is an inspirational book about creative writing. It’s meant for people who want to write but either have a hard time beginning or are hesitant to share their work with the world. The book is half creative-cheerleader, half soulful inspiration, 100% supportive, with a smidgeon of tough love to incite action. There are exercises in it. My heart is in it. It’s all there.
(You will hear more about the book soon – it’s coming to Amazon in February/March 2016. But for now, back to 2015.)
In spring 2015 the locally-owned, colorfully-painted, beginner-friendly, inclusive-of-all-body-types yoga studio down the street announced that they were going to start offering their first 200 hour yoga teacher training program.
I always knew I eventually wanted to get my 200-hour yoga teaching certification, but it hadn’t been an immediate priority. As soon as I found out my teachers at my beloved yoga studio were offering the training, and that it would be focused on teaching adaptive and beginner-friendly yoga (my passions), I applied and was accepted into the program.
I spent the second half of 2015 immersed in the study and practice of yoga. 200 hours of in-class training condensed into three months. Lots of homework. Lots of growth and learning and change and beauty that I will distill into its own blog post soon. Every single weekend spent with my teachers and my new yoga sisters. Grounded. Tethered. Devoted. I am grateful for every second of that yoga training.
The cherry on top of 2015 was that I had the privilege, responsibility and joy of being the maid of honor in a best friend’s wedding. I got to spend more time with her than ever before as we planned showers, parties, and details together. How much more beauty can I ask for in one year?
2015 was good to me. And now I peer at the cusp of 2016, steeped in newness and hope.
In 2016, I want to be a mover and a shaker. I want to publish my book joyfully and powerfully, without saying things like “At least the publishing process is almost over…” or “It’s really just for my friends and family to read…” or any other small and untrue thing I say to make it seem like it’s not a big deal. I want the courage to admit that publishing my first book is a big deal. I want the audacity to claim that for myself.
I want to hire a business coach. I want to teach yoga –often. I want to visit another country. I want to allow for surprises to unfold. I want to perform magic shows with my nephews and teach workshops with my friends.
I want to focus on my blog again now that I’ve finished my book. I want to hold onto this feeling of being thrilled about life, and I want that feeling to help me coast through the inevitable dark spells. I want it all.
Maybe some new year’s resolutions are meant to be kept. Mine aren’t. Mine are meant to guide us onwards, to help us face the light of a new year with joyous anticipation.
We get the opportunity every day, every moment, to choose how we want to show up in the world, but nowhere is it as concrete as New Years Day. Nowhere else is there such a clear divide between past and present, existence and possibility, haziness and light.
Who do you want to be this year?
Peace, Books, and Miracles,
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