Forgiving Ourselves
It occurred to me that I haven’t made this life-altering announcement on my blog yet: I published my first book!
I planned on promoting Robot Coconut Trees on my blog before sharing it anywhere else. I wanted to celebrate my writing milestone on this online space that started it all – this little blog where I originally started playing with my voice and learning to call myself a writer.
But despite my best-laid marketing plans, in the whirlwind of publishing Robot Coconut Trees I have felt spread extremely thin, caught in a mish-mosh of highs and lows.
I have felt the joy of birthing something so colorful and impactful into the world – the tears springing to my eyes when old friends show me their photos of my book on their coffee tables, the smiles and “I started writing again!” and “Can you sign this?!”
I have also felt boredom, apathy, fear, and the alarmingly calm moments of “Eh, I wrote a book – so what.” My life looks very much the same as it did before Robot Coconut Trees came into the world, but with a little more spring in my step… and infinitely more unfinished items on my To-Do List.
When left to its own devices, my mind wanders into self-criticizing mode: Are you even going to TRY to market this book?! You haven’t written on your blog, you haven’t contacted the media, you haven’t planned a book launch party, you haven’t given your beta readers their copies of the book yet…
So here is an addendum to anything I have ever written:
Forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for everything that you have dreamed of but not yet accomplished. (All of it is still coming for you, if you let it.)
Forgive yourself for not answering the messages in your inbox right away. (Your friends have already forgiven you. They get it. They adore you. You are the only one panicking about this. Let yourself off the hook.)
Forgive yourself for the moments when you weren’t fully present with your partner, your kids, your roommate, your cat, your clients. (Begin again right now. Say you’re sorry. Be a rock star. They already forgave you. They know you’re learning how to juggle all of this newness. Let it go. Pay attention next time.)
Forgive a little more. Forgive a little deeper. (You still have time to do everything you want to do. It doesn’t have to all be done today.)
Forgive yourself fiercely, every single day. (You are still extraordinary.)
Forgive yourself right now.
When we hone into the energy of self-forgiveness, everything shifts. From a forgiving frame of mind, we can feel a little lighter, let go of our mental drama, and tune back into the supernovas that we are beneath our internal chatter.
Maybe I haven’t been crafting press releases during this book launch period. But you know what? I have still sold plenty of books.
And I can choose to redirect my focus towards the marketing items I have done. I can choose to focus on the long writing career ahead of me, not on the frenzy of what I can immediately crank out.
I can choose to go easy on myself and remember that since Robot Coconut Trees launched, my Life has included other fun elements:
I frolicked through adobe art galleries and red dirt while reuniting with a beloved longtime friend in Arizona. I went to a Pilates studio for the first time and learned that one of my oblique muscles is much stronger than the other.
I ran my first Goodreads Giveaway for Robot Coconut Trees, and the winner was from Brazil – so I shipped a copy of my book to Brazil! I feigned confidence, walked into my hometown bookstore where I spent countless hours of my childhood, and asked how to have my book included in their Local Author section.
I continued to navigate the world of cubicles and invoices and business trips by day while setting fiery intentions for my writing, coaching, and teaching at night. Teetering between worlds. Practicing patience. Trusting the timelines.
Where can you be a little more gentle with yourself? Where can you let yourself off the hook? Where do you need to tap into self-forgiveness?
Forgive yourself, and miracles will zoom through the cracks of your life. Forgive yourself, and the guilt that weighs you down will dissolve into itself.
Inhale. Exhale. Let the expectations go, and feel the self-criticism cascade off of your shoulders. Celebrate each of your tiny incredible successes. Gift yourself the spaciousness that will allow you to break free.
Repeat daily, and you will find that you are breaking ahead – step by glistening step, directed by grace, untethered in your own magnificence.
Peace and Lighter Sparkling Hearts,
Kelsey
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