I try to imbue all of my blog posts with a sense of timelessness – I purposely leave out the daily drudgery and updates about my life. I want my words to remain crisp and extraordinary for anyone who stumbles upon them in the future, anyone who searches for random phrases online and ends up finding prayers for writers or poems about shining or whatever their soul needs.
But I always break this writing rule during New Years. I am obsessed with this time of year – I love that billions of human beings carve out a time to reflect on the past and commit to creating a new future. I roll my eyes when cynics point out that New Years is just an excuse to make (and break) the resolutions we could have made at any time.
(I make resolutions every day – it doesn’t take away from the excitement of my annual New Years Eve checkpoint, when I’m bright-eyed for the future and bedazzled in sequins and surrounded by the people I love.)
In 2014, I went to New Mexico twice and discovered the place I love most in the world. I did the Landmark Forum, which rocked every other aspect of my life. I visited Detroit for the first time, taking in the street art and the ruins and the hope.
I tucked glittery tulle into an overhead arch as we prepared for my aunt’s wedding, watching the sparkles rain into my grandpa’s hair. My friend asked me to be her maid of honor, and I flew to Houston to laugh and eat fried avocado tacos and page through high school scrapbooks with her. At another wedding, I sang along to Taylor Swift with my cousin on a party bus, hoping the static and noise would drown out my panicky fear of our bus driving into the ocean.
I learned about leadership with Greenheart Transforms and tried to shake off the stodgy masculine-dominated ideas of leadership that I had in my mind. I accidentally hung out with three separate peacocks in one week until I realized the Universe was trying to get my attention. I got my first Christmas tree – it’s purple – and a few days later I noticed that a vision board I made in 2013 has a radiant purple tree on it.
I laughed every single day of 2014. I cried into my pillow on some days too, leaving uneven blobs of mascara on my already-spotty eyelashes. I tried to support the people I love, I tried to talk less and bear witness more. I tried to be braver in my communication and tell the truth faster. I tried to have better posture and eat more greens, with only marginal success.
What are you saying goodbye to in 2014? What are you proud of? What are you ready to let go of?
What would someone have had to believe to create the life you created in 2014?
Which of these beliefs do you want to continue holding onto?
In 2015, I want to feel luminous and connected and bold. I don’t know what actions will make me feel that way. I want to let go of my underlying assumption that I’m not important – a belief that creeps up and wreaks its own havoc on my life.
I want to drink hurricanes in New Orleans and become a yoga teacher and write on my blog more frequently without worrying about every word being in its perfect place. I want to volunteer more and scroll through facebook less.
I want to take a voice lesson to uncover what my real singing voice even sounds like. I want to hug a redwood tree. I want to watch my sister graduate and go to our neighborhood ice cream shop afterwards where we will run into every other family from her high school. I want to wear a ruffly peacock-colored dress and cry when my friend gets married in front of me in the shimmering Saint Louis sun.
New Year’s resolutions aren’t made to be kept. They are made to compel us onward, to provide us with a light on our way. We will hum towards our resolutions sometimes, our hearts abuzz with light and possibility. On other days, we will backslide, we will throw our hands in the air. Maybe we will change course entirely. Maybe we will transform so vividly that we hardly recognize ourselves anymore. Maybe we will finally shine.
Thank you for sharing this past year with me. It’s been a moment-to-moment fiery and wild learning evolution here on Planet Earth, and I wish you all the glad tidings in the world for 2015.
Peace and Abundance Forever,